Photos: Aaron Austin
As millennials, we have become so accustomed to creating rigid checklists of qualities that we expect to find in our significant other. This can include anything from preferred hair color to skin tone and occupation to neighborhood of residence. However, from the moment I wrote my first Couples We Love story, one thing was made very clear – never underestimate the power of chemistry, for you never know who you will end up really connecting with. For Selby and Steven, this could not have been more true.
Though they ran in similar social circles, the idea of them getting together romantically was never a serious thought… until Tracy, Steven’s sister and a friend of Selby’s, thought it would be a good idea for them to casually hook up, since neither of them wanted anything serious. Turns out, Tracy was the best matchmaker of all – connecting two people who never thought it could work.
Personally, and since I know both Selby and Steven quite well, the match seemed to be a no brainer. For one, Steven is truly one of the nicest (and most handsome guys I know) with an unusual ability to relate to females, which is probably due to the fact that he has two younger sisters – something that always proves to be a positive point of consideration when dating any guy. And with a great sense of style that combines both his love for surfing with his appreciation for good design, hearing of their relationship was not much of a surprise.
When it comes to Selby, she is, for lack of an even better word, the whole package. With her brains and striking beauty, you might expect her to be cold or closed-off, but you could not be more wrong. When I first met Selby, I immediately loved her. She asked me questions and tried to get to know me as much as I did her, which to me is one of the best signs of authenticity. Ultimately, I couldn’t think of a better couple than these two humans, and truthfully, it gives me hope and reiterates the fact that you never know when you’ll meet your match.
Continue reading to hear their story!
COUPLES WE LOVE | SELBY DRUMMOND & STEVEN DUBB
Every couple has a story… what’s yours?
Selby: I became close friends with Steven’s sister Tracy right around the time that I ended a five-year relationship. When I told her I wasn’t looking for anything serious, she said, “Oh, that’s perfect, I’ll introduce you to my brother. You two shouldn’t date—you won’t like each other at all, and you have nothing in common—but neither of you wants a relationship so you can just hook up.” This guidance led to a very awkward first date as I assumed he’d been given the same background [he had not], a number of attempts to break up with him [because this was never meant to be anything serious], and then a long and happily surprising discovery of how much I actually like this guy [turns out I love him].
Steven: [in a taxi an hour into our first date, October 2014]
Selby: “hey, so do you think we should sleep together tonight or Saturday?”
Steven: (deep gulp) “um, I have a bit of a cold, so maybe Saturday?”
Selby: “No, let’s just do it tonight.” We had terrible awkward sex the first time. But things have been improving since then.
What is your favorite thing about each other?
Selby: Steven has a devastating sense of humor. And nearly famously good hair. But one of the things I really love about him is something I feel that most people don’t get to see right away: Steven is incredibly smart. He’s very humble about it – I must have been dating him for fourth months before I learned that he listens to, on average, two hours of foreign policy news podcasts per day. Prior to that I’d mostly been dating him for his looks. He teaches me things every day, and as someone who never wants to stop learning, that is very precious to me. [Also: His sister Tracy.]
Steven: Her sense of humor. What’s the point of a relationship if you don’t make each other laugh? Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot I love about her. She’s beautiful, she’s idealistic, she’s wicked smart. She’s a whirlwind force in her career. Did I say smart? Huuuge brain. Yuge. Maybe too big. Sometimes it’s like “hey, can you shut that thing off for an hour? I’m trying to watch Homeland”. But above all else, she makes me laugh, and when you have that, I think everything else just falls into place. Oh and also, she appreciates good hair.
What’s your perfect Date Night?
Selby: It usually involves some sort of mid-level physical risk and shooting something, like a bow and arrow, a slingshot, or suction darts at each other. And then in bed by 10pm.
Steven: Definitely same.
How would you say you compliment each other, or balance each other out?
Steven: In a room full of strangers I can be pretty shy (some might say awkward). But Selby’s the complete opposite. She can talk to anyone. She loves to meet new people. She relates easily to strangers. And she brightens any room with her energy and her confidence. I love to watch that, and I love having her as my other half. Because of her I go places and meet people that I otherwise would’ve shied away from, and I get more out of life because of it.
Selby: I’m rather emotional, and Steven is slowly but surely teaching me that not every degree change in my emotional temperature requires an emergency convening of the minds and hearts of all involved – that some days, its ok to go to bed a little bit grumpy or annoyed, because the cure for most things is actually just a good night’s sleep. I used to find his unflappable calm frustrating – but now I find it reassuring and mature. It’s honestly been a relief, especially during this most recent election season. Not to mention Steven’s Herculean self-discipline, which I can only hope will rub off on me when I follow him to the gym or adhere to his strict bedtimes. I am the complete opposite – it’s probably fair to say that Steven is responsible for me not having candy at breakfast most days.
Favorite moment together?
Steven: Every once in a while we have what feels like a perfect day together, and my favorite part is being together at the end of the day; usually a little tired, and maybe not even talking to each other; but both feeling grateful for how much fun we had. In the summer that moment can be in the car driving back across the Stretch as the sun sets after a long day on the beach in Montauk. Or as we exhaustedly walk home while I lug my skis (and her snowboard) after a full day on some mountain in the winter. I love sharing those satisfied moments with her.
Selby: Anytime I’m lying in his lap. Or he is laughing. Or holding my hand. Or wearing his Carhartt work overalls.
How do you inspire each other?
Steven: Selby is the most positive person I know. She wakes up happy every day, whereas I wake up feeling grumpy and sarcastic. It’s nice to have her lightness around to counter that. She’s a constant reminder to just be happy.
Selby: Steven can turn anything into a game. Some days it feels like we’ve spent the whole day playing, and in that way he reminds me to keep laughing no matter what. At the same time, he seems to have been born with this innate sense of responsibility which I find deeply attractive. I see him quietly take care of his grandparents, do service for his parents and the business that they run together, give back to the community, and look out for his younger sisters. He is extremely hard-working and diligent in a way that inspires me to be accountable when it comes to my responsibilities.
What do you both do to recharge?
Steven: We each have our own iPhone chargers on our respective sides of the bed so there’s no fighting.
Each of you has such a busy schedule. How do you find time for being together?
Steven: We like doing all sorts of things together – Selby learned to surf with me, and we make time to get away to ski or relax in the country. And she went ahead and moved right into my apartment when she felt like it so we are together most nights. As much as we like to maintain a façade of being relevant and young and on the scene, nine times out of ten we are on the couch, watching TV, and asleep by 10. We have the stamina to party about 2 weekends a year, which leaves us plenty of time for just “being together.”
Selby: We both travel a lot for work, and have very full lives, but we don’t really mind it too much, because it’s nice to miss each other, and have the space to do our own thing sometimes. I am always so happy to see Steven again after we’ve been apart that it makes our time together that much more special. I think we do a pretty good job of maintaining a healthy balance of independence while still prioritizing each other.